funny

One-Star Google Reviews of Famous Landmarks

While perusing the Internet in-between games of Foosball with my super-intelligent chinchilla, I’ve developed a great new hobby. As you probably know, looking up a business like a restaurant, movie theater, etc. on Google Maps will show you reviews left my users. If you look up a famous landmark, like the Pyramids of Giza or the Great Wall of China, you’ll find thousands of glowing, five-star reviews, but also a few one-star reviews that make your head spin. I thought I’d share a few of them here:

Great Pyramid of Giza

This place is so old and dusty. Looks like it’s been there forever no one updates the architecture or interior design. How about a fresh coat of paint once in a while? What could that cost? Local signage was hopeless – what’s with all the squiggles and dots?

 

From UNITED INDIANS!:

It is just a burial ground. Indian ancient architecture  are older,bigger and artistic than these.

 

Why couldn’t they be circles because triangles are boring.

 

The food wasn’t that good. It was really dry and hot.

 

Very un  organized , nobody tries to give u clues where to go it’s as if they picked the worst men / police men to do the job  , parking is terrible , went up the great pyramid, no aeration , same way in is same way out which makes it so risky to get in or out .no road signs to guide u to the places. Will never go there  again

 

I was invited to pizza but they said they said Pyramid of Giza, I heard P—-iza! Scam

 

Pyramid of Khafre

Sphinx had no nose, very major detail. Don’t expect building a world wonder and leaving such a important detail out. Wow egyptians just wow

 

Wow this is grabage i almost fell off

 

I cam to see the largest pyramid not the second tallest pyramid

 

Fell off the pyramid wasn’t a H1Z1 experience as there were no zombies to @ me so yeh but is cool

 

Pyramid of Menkaure

This puny embarrassment of a pyramid puts its two neighbors to complete shame. What, did they run out of stone? Did they get tired?

 

The scar on its face is from the early 13th century when the Ayyub dynasty tried to tear it down. I say we finish the job.

 

The workmanship is quite shoddy, the plumbing sucks….looks like it could fall at any time…… they didn’t even install handrails or economic lighting.

 

I thought id get free electricity with my tesla coil. Guess it’s out of juice

 

Eiffel Tower

It was very cool to see the White House! It’s nice seeing where the President lives. I recommend visiting the important building. (Please note that we did not actually enter the White House’s interior, we only saw the outside.). A must see when you visit DC! I was overwhelmed with how incredible and noteworthy this place is! We also got to see the president fly over which was pretty cool!

 

Great Wall of China

I wanted to see what was so interesting about this area. I’ve heard a lot about it, but when I went there was a wall in the way. It was kinda ugly actually, but it blocked me from seeing why everyone talks about this area. Not enjoyable.

 

couldn’t see it from space i was lied to.

 

They are a chinese restaurant. Placed 2 separate orders through Grub Hub and for no explanation…cancelled by Grub Hub. Still in business???

 

to say the least.. i am gutted. this “Wall” is merely a fence, i have seen better walls on the US/Mexican border. 2 stars purely for the fact that i am a wall collector.

 

the wall is going to collapse under my immense muscle as i stroll across its rocky steps but first ill have to build it because it isn’t real

 

Ya’ll got it wrong. My grandma built this when she was able to say H~A~M~B~U~R~G~E~R

 

Taj Mahal

This place is situated at Agra city of Indian state Uttar Pradesh. This place is a major tourist attraction not only for Indians but for foreigners also. This place is having some greenery also which makes it more important as natural perspective. This is a historical place. There are many places to see inside the premises.

 

Monument is incredible but the services at the monument is pathetic. I stood for 3 hours in line. Internet was banned there and debit cards were not working.

 

I’ll let you know if I find any more of these review gems. Cheers!

Second Interview with Chat and Spin Radio

I’ve participated in another interview with Chat and Spin Radio! While you’re cooped up inside, you can listen to it here (my interview begins at around 26 minutes into the recording.) Also, if you can manage it, please donate to Chat and Spin via Paypal:

Upcoming Interview on Chat and Spin Radio

I’ll be participating in an interview on the UK-based Chat and Spin Radio on Saturday, November 2! The interview will be at 12:10pm Mountain time.

https://chatandspinradio.com/

Click on “listen live” to hear the station!

Website Changes 09/03/18

Greetings from my dark, secret, mystical, pizza-scented basement domain.

You may have noticed some pretty drastic changes to the website. The cartoon fish is gone, the site is no longer called Classysturgeon, the theme of the site and look of the site and smell of the site are all different. But despair not!

I’ll still be writing goofy posts and talking about my crazy adventure books. Check out the “blog” page for the Classysturgeon-style articles and posts.

I’ve just decided to change the site to emphasize my work as an author, hence the new site name, josephcaldaraauthor.com, and the snazzy, professional-looking headshot. Because of this, you’ll find links to the Bob and the Cyber-Llama series of adventure/comedy books on most of the site’s pages. Think of them like the engravings on the Arc de Triomphe. Only with more llamas.

Check out the “events” page for descriptions of upcoming readings and other events.

I’ve also changed the name of my Facebook account, Twitter account, and Instagram account, as well. Don’t worry, though, it’s still me.

So please join me as, like a digital Magellan, we continue to navigate our way through the seas of the Internet and search for the East Indies of an online community.

Author Reading Event at Sable Elementary

I’ll be holding an author reading event at Sable Elementary on Thursday, February 22!

From 12:00pm to 1:00pm, I’ll be visiting the fine folks at Sable Elementary in Aurora, Colorado, for an author visitation and reading event. During the event, I’ll be reading a short passage from Bob and the Cyber-Llama, as well as speaking about my writing experience and self-publishing. I’ll also be hosting a Q and A. All three books in the series will be available at the event.

This is a closed event, so only the Sable students will be privy to its glorious, meaty goings-on. However, if you’d like to schedule an event like this, let me know by emailing me at classysturgeon@gmail.com.

It’s thanks to your support that I’m able to hold events like this. Stay tuned for future updates. Excelsior!